Long Time Gone

I've been away from the Blogger dashboard for too long. But that's me. I am a serial procrastinator and a person who, when the projects are for sheerly my own personal satisfaction, etc. starts a million things and never finishes them. When it comes to doing things for others and clients and the like, I am on it in a heartbeat; checking, rechecking, timelining, updating, revising.

Me, though, I'm the shoemaker's child.

Today the Bennington waitlist closes, and although the Assistant Director of the Writing Seminars sent me a very encouraging and lovely email on Friday, I'm now on to determining things I can do to either enhance my application packet for the June 2010 term, additional schools to which I will apply, or none of the above. My heart feels like I want this MFA and I need this MFA to push myself as a writer. To grow as a writer. To learn as a writer. To take on roles that keep me closer to writing and reading than I am right now. Yes, i write every single day of my life, and yes, it's writing that requires a talent. But no, it isn't the writing that I see myself doing from that lovely cottage in Ireland when I'm in my 50's (which are now only 15 years away). Perhaps it's the writing that will pay for that cottage and afford me the breaks away from earning money (or much) from publishing.

But I ask myself - what will help me over that last little hill and into the sacred temple of Bennington or Warren Wilson or any of the other well-regarded schools that offer low-residency MFA programs and make me feel that they respect me as a writer and a human with all of the responsibilities along with it?

And will the idea of getting into a program and the opportunities it can offer be enough for me to put it first? Up there with the paying clients and pro bono cases and helping outs for the organizations to which my kids belong?

Feeling just a little lost today - but suitable I would say for the weather outside.